When professionals are a part of the problem

I am writing this post because of many stories I come in touch with, either indirectly or directly from the people I work with, about what they sometimes encountered when they sought help. ⁣

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If you are lucky, you will come across a therapist with whom you will "match" well, who will make you feel welcome and respected, and with whom you will work successfully on your issue.

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The sad truth is that you can also come across someone who will belittle your problem, e.g. tell you that your problem is not so serious and that you should just go on with your life. If you’ve ever heard this, I want to tell you that whatever you experience and feel is real and worth paying attention to. If you have been told otherwise, know that you are sitting with a person unable to get out of their self-centered position and step out towards you. Keep searching.

You may have also been characterized “just hypersensitive", "just prone to depression / anxiety", "just prone to addictions", etc. While it is true that we have different predispositions, this definition sends the message that we cannot change. The truth is that whatever

we are prone to, we can empower ourselves, we can resolve things, we can learn to make the best from our predispositions. If your therapist doesn't believe in that, keep searching.

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You may have also been told that you are very perceptive and understand everything, but you are not trying hard enough, that you don´t really want to change. Know that internal ambivalences are an integral part of almost every therapeutic process and that it is perfectly normal for one part of you to want change and the other to offers resistance. If the change is not happening fast enough, or everything is clear on the cognitive level, but problematic feelings remain, such sentences can be the therapist's attempt to "wash their hands" of a problem for which they don´t have enough patience or expertise. Cognitive, rational treatment of the problem is usually only an initial, easier step, and the task of quality therapy is to deal with other, more complex aspects. If you continue to suffer and hear something similar from your therapist, try to address it with them. If you don´t feel heard, keep searching.

Lastly, you may have a therapist with whom you feel good, with whom you have done a lot and made a lot of progress, but you feel that you cannot get more from them. Do not lose hope in your further progress, just keep searching.

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I would like to emphasize that my intention in this post was not to emphasize all different ways that therapists can do their job poorly, but to support everyone who did not have a good experience with therapy and tell them not to not give up, but…keep searching